Our Sworn Oath
Padded. Protected. Perspiring.
It began, as most things do, with chafing.
For those of us who sweat buckets, you know that clothes get sticky when they get sweaty. It's very unpleasant at times. So when I took a particularly hard thrust to the bicep and the inside of my jacket bound to my skin and the sword, it chafed the bejesus out of my arm. It actually was so harsh, it bruised a big part of my arm for a couple of months.
I knew there had to be a better way. After cringing at the horror of my bruise, a clubmate suggested I try wearing a rash guard under my jacket. You know, those things folks typically wear when swimming or surfing. That seemed a little odd, but I figured I basically sweat an entire ocean every time I spar, so I figured that made sense.
But I didn't love the designs I found. There were a couple of shining stars (hi Ox & Plow friends!), but in general, they were either not really my style or not HEMA themed. As I'm sure you know, drip is as important as ability in HEMA. So this deficiency lead to me creating the Totally Talhoffer rash guard for myself.
After getting a lot of compliments on it at our club and at tournaments, I started tinkering with the idea of trying to share my designs with other folks. After some work to flesh out some ideas and designs, you all now get to enjoy the byproducts of the slightly unhinged world of swords in my brain.
What We Swear By
Maximum Drip
Stylish and on-theme. Always. As the greatest HEMA try-hard warriors know, half the battle is flexing on your opponents with your sick kit.
Quality Forged
We choose high quality blanks that we've personally tried out for all of our products, not just whatever is cheapest at our production partners this week. That way you won't have to worry about ripping your t-shirt when you're practicing your zwerchaus in the mirror or having a stray mandritto take a chunk out of that fine rashguard.
Always Perspiring
We make no promises about staying dry. We promise only that you'll sweat with dignity, in something built to take it.
We don't make it until you want it.
Nothing here sits in a warehouse pretending to be scarce. Every shirt, patch, and rash guard is made the moment you order it, printed and stitched to spec by our personally vetted production partners and sent straight to you.
That means two things. First, we waste almost nothing: no dead stock headed for a landfill, no overproduction in colors that flopped. Second, we get to make the weird stuff. A design that only six HEMA nerds on earth would ever buy is no risk to print on demand, so you get the deep-cut joke instead of the safe one. The only catch is patience. Because your order is genuinely being made for you, it takes a few extra days to hit the road.
— Almost certainly not in any manuscript“Dress for the duel you want, not the duel you have.”
Enough lore. Go sweat.
Our humble shoppe is open and fully stocked for your perusal.
Gimme those sweet, sweet wares